


The Clock Keeps Ticking

by tellsfromhale



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, M/M, Magical Realism, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:42:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29661240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tellsfromhale/pseuds/tellsfromhale
Summary: Dan has spent over a decade growing comfortable with himself. Finally, he can live his truth, and he can do it with Phil at his side. For the first time, he's excited about what the future holds.Then, one day, he finds himself suddenly back inside his childhood bedroom a decade in the past, and getting to that future with Phil becomes a lot more difficult.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	The Clock Keeps Ticking

**Author's Note:**

> A note about the "Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault" and "Implied/Reference Sexual Harassment" tags:  
> These topics will play an important role in the story, but they will remain "implied/referenced" like the tags state and not actually shown. Dan and Phil will also not be the victims or the perpetrators. Because this story involves time travel, that means reliving certain things, and those topics will play a role in the story similar to how they've become a big topic for all of us in recent years. However, it's only for a portion of the story, and those parts can be skipped without missing anything crucial to understanding the story. When the story reaches that point, I'll give a heads up in the author's note, so you can skip those scenes if you want/need to.

Dan hummed in contentment as Phil tangled his fingers deeper in his curls. Moments like these had been some of his favourite for over a decade. Phil’s chest was warm where Dan pressed his cheek against it, and the murmur coming from the television was just enough that the room wasn’t stiflingly quiet, though Dan wasn’t paying the slightest bit of attention to what was happening on the screen. He couldn’t even bring himself to open his eyes.

Phil wasn’t bothering to watch the programme either. He pressed a kiss to Dan’s forehead and threw the arm that wasn’t busy with Dan’s hair around Dan’s waist, pulling him closer. Dan responded by tightening his own grip on Phil.

It was a position that they’d found themselves in countless times over the years. If Dan had been asked when he was younger, he’d have been sceptical that a couple could be together a decade and still find so much comfort in each other, but they did. He never got tired of having Phil close. Nothing else had ever made him feel as safe as this. When he was with Phil, he knew nothing could hurt him. Not in a way that would have a lasting impact.

“You’re in a good mood,” Phil said, his voice sounding particularly deep after their lapse into silence. He tugged on the bounciest of Dan’s curls. “You’re tired like you always are after therapy, but you were more smiley than usual today after you got off Zoom. It was nice.”

Dan hummed in agreement and opened his eyes, tilting his head back far enough to make eye contact with Phil for a second before he nuzzled into the crook of Phil’s neck instead.

“It’s gotten a lot easier,” he admitted. “Before, it was like we were purging all this filth out of me whenever I talked to her. If that makes sense. She’d probably be angry with me for saying that because it sounds so negative, but it’s the best way for me to think about it. We were getting rid of all the negativity and self-hatred. But now a lot of that is gone.” He let out a huff of disbelieving laughter. “Now it’s more about keeping the dark stuff from returning. It’s still work, but since I don’t have to dredge up all the trauma of my past anymore, it’s not like it used to be.”

Phil pressed another kiss to the top of his head.

“Is it like cleaning all the food up properly before the ants come instead of fighting against ants that are already there taking over your kitchen?” he asked, moving his hand from Dan’s hair to run it down his back.

Dan snorted and shook his head at the ridiculous analogy that could only have come from Phil.

“I guess, yeah,” he said, turning over the idea in his head. “Sometimes cleaning everything up properly isn’t easy per se. You’d rather leave a dirty plate setting out for a bit and go do something fun instead. But it’s still way easier to wash the plate than get rid of an entire colony of ants. I guess that is a good way to think about it.”

He turned his face to press a quick kiss to Phil’s neck. In turn, Phil slipped his hand under the hem of Dan’s jumper. On another day, it would have been a sign of heated things to come, but that night, Phil didn’t go further than brushing his fingertips across Dan’s bare skin, and the intimacy warmed Dan despite the early spring chill that lingered in the air.

He took his own hand that had been pressed against Phil’s chest and trailed it down Phil’s arm until he reached his hand, intertwining their fingers together in the way that always grounded him.

Phil squeezed back and lifted their joined hands to press a kiss to Dan’s knuckles.

“I’m proud of you,” he muttered against Dan’s skin before lowering them back to his lap. “I’ve told you that a million times before, but it never stops being true.”

Dan hid his smile against the collar of Phil’s shirt. They both knew ants could come even if you were diligent with your cleaning. Sometimes you missed a crumb while wiping off the table, or you didn’t snap the lid of a container on all the way, and the ants would find you despite your best efforts. But Dan had begun to feel quite good about his ant control skills over the last several years.

And no matter how long they’d been together, he always felt a little bashful whenever Phil gave him anything close to a compliment. He channeled that bashfulness into playing with Phil’s fingers to avoid his eyes. Phil let him do it without prodding him, knowing that Dan would speak when he wanted to. And he did.

“I never thought I’d be here,” he said. It was nothing more than what he’d admitted to Phil before, yet it felt brave each time he said it out loud. If he mentioned that to his therapist, she’d tell him he should say it more often until it wasn’t scary at all. “Things used to feel so hopeless that I couldn’t imagine an escape. It’s still overwhelming to think about, but now I don’t know if it would be possible to feel happier than I do. Sure, things aren’t always perfect, but that’s not possible anyway. This is as good as it gets.”

Phil poked Dan’s side and smirked.

“Careful or I might take that as a challenge,” he taunted.

Dan laughed and pulled back far enough to see Phil’s face. They grinned at each other for a moment, each soaking in the closeness and warmth. He didn’t mind Phil taking that as a challenge, but he knew Phil would never succeed. It wasn’t possible for Dan to love Phil more than he already did. He’d maxed out on Phil love a decade ago.

The thought of the past made him sigh. In recent years, he’d gotten better at thinking about how he’d used to feel without letting it get him down in the present. Sometimes, though, remembering how hopeless he’d once felt still made him hurt for his past self.

“My younger self feels like a whole different person sometimes,” he admitted quietly. “I don’t know how I made it through everything that I did.”

Phil’s smile grew softer and a bit sadder. He pressed a lingering kiss to Dan’s forehead right above his right eye and pulled him in tight, burying his face in Dan’s shoulder.

“You made it through because you’re strong.” Though the words were spoken into Dan’s shirt, they were loud and clear.

The Dan of the past wouldn’t have believed it, but the Dan of the present did. Most of the time.

It still wasn’t the most comfortable thing for him to hear. Despite being more comfortable around Phil than anyone else, he buried his face into Phil’s chest with a groan. Phil shook with laughter, and Dan couldn’t help but grin despite his embarrassment.

“Shut it,” he said, pulling away and shoving at Phil’s chest.

“No,” Phil taunted, grabbing Dan’s hands and keeping hold of them for a second to prevent any more shoving. “You have to accept it. There’s no other choice.”

“Whatever, prick,” he grumbled, ignoring Phil’s grabby hands as he stood from the sofa. “I’m going to the toilet. You should spend the time rethinking your position to something more sensible.”

Phil pouted until Dan leaned down to peck him on the lips. He smiled and shook his head to himself as he headed for the hall that led to their toilet. He still got a thrill whenever he moved around the hallways of their new house, and in the weirdest way possible, he was excited to use the restroom that they’d painstakingly designed. He wasn’t sure how long that would last, and he’d actually be happy once the feeling was gone. It made him feel lame and grossly in love.

But when he stepped into the hallway, he wasn’t looking at the hallway he and Phil had spent hours discussing. Dan blinked, his stomach plummeting as he whirled around, taking in the small bedroom he found himself in. One with four familiar brown walls.

He wasn’t in his and Phil’s new home at all. This was his childhood bedroom.


End file.
